Hero

Superheroes. They’re fun to look at with their six-packs, cat claws, extra-human powers and knee-length capes. But at some point we’ve all asked ourselves if six-packs are worth it, if superheroes are even real. No, they’re totally not real. But heroism is. And it’s more attainable than you’d think.

Take me, for example. I didn’t come in a six-pack because it takes more courage to stand out than to blend in. That’s my act of heroism. And you could be a hero, too. All you need is a drop of courage. Lucky for you, courage comes in bottles.

Magician

Have you ever noticed that whenever something awesome happens, people say, “it’s magic”? It’s hilarious how they think they’re kidding but always wonder if they shouldn’t be.

Well, if magic isn’t real, then I’m just a bottle of tinted water. If magic isn’t real, then my next trick isn’t possible. It’s a vanishing act: The more of me you drink, the less of me there is. Ready?