Most people use a corkscrew. But if you’re holding me, you’re not most people. Corkscrews work, you’re thinking, but they’re not revolutionary. So, which daring alternative will you choose?

Maybe you’ll take a knife to my neck, wedge it between my cork and glass, defy some physics and pop me open. That’d be macho, but maybe too trite. You might chuck golf balls at me until I crack and then you’ll pour me into a blue solo cup. All I can tell you is rules are for fools.

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